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12:05am 11/01/2005
 
mood: indescribable
It's nice to be back at school.
Life here is normal and fun and everyone is so happy to see each other again.

I think I'm going to quit writing in here again.
I don't have much to contribute to this journal anymore.

My break was very...very.
I do not have a lot of words for what it was, but I do know that it is over now and life - as I know it - will continue as scheduled.

God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Lots of love to those of you that need it, but most of it to those of you deserving of it.
 
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If I was a rich girl.....   
11:25pm 05/01/2005
 
mood: excited
I'm heading out for Denver in the morning!
We were going to leave tonight, but no need driving in the dark with icy roads.

I won poker tonight.
I seriously whooped everyone's ass.
It came down to me and Evie heads-up.
I schooled him.

Enough of that.
I'm going to go to bed so tomorrow comes faster!

I'll write more later.

i
 
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we want you to have a good time...   
07:04pm 01/01/2005
 
mood: alone
...but showing your genitals is not one of them...

killer party last night at the house
i played it straight and made sure no one tried to get the dog drunk
i was successful...she just got spilled on a couple of times.
but she's OK.
she likes parties.
the house was packed
about 30 people
needless to say, there was a bit of clean up this morning
monty felt like dog crap - ha - my little party monster...

now i'm watching COPS
but i think i'm going to turn it off soon
COPS just doesn't do it for me like it used to

i just talked to danielle
she's still in huron
i should have gone with her
i don't know what i was thinking
she's having a hell of a time...and i should be there too...DAMNIT!

i decided i'm going back to school the 9th
home isn't...doing it for me
if i didn't have to pay to stay in the dorms, i'd go home sooner - but that's how it goes i guess

my bro bought me GARDEN STATE for XMAS.
wow.
what a great film
zach braff makes this great point about this false notion of HOME as you get older. how the "HOME" that used to be what felt like "HOME" one day...just ISN'T HOME anymore. then one day you find HOME - but it's not a PLACE - it's a person...and man...i hope he's right.

i hope everyone had a SAFE New Year...

my new year's resolution:

finish up a WHOLE tube of chapstick...
i hate having 75 tubes of half-used chapstick laying around in my purse.





L
 
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pooped...   
11:45pm 27/12/2004
 
mood: pooped
I'm such a pile.
I went to a party tonight and I'm already home.
I'm tired and beer didn't sound good at all.

I saw a whole bunch of people I haven't seen in a while though.
It was nice.
Everyone was happy.
It was good.

I saw Meet the Fockers today.
eh.
I don't know.
It was funny, but I wanted more.
Always more...

I'm going to go read now and sleep.

s
 
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Too many drinks...too little time...   
02:28am 27/12/2004
 
mood: amused
Monty threw a part tonight.
I'm finally going to bed.
I'm totally wiped out.
Up for almost 24 hours.
Life is rough.

I'm going to bed now...

drunk high schoolers...classic...
aye.

nighty night.†
 
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there's no begining to this story...   
01:14pm 26/12/2004
 
mood: drained
I'm sitting in the minneapolis airport.
We have two hour layover.
sweetness.

It's colder than shit here.
It sucks.
I guess I got used to the weather down south.
down south.
south.

I'm bored.
I'm ready to get home.
My dog misses us so much.
Grandma said she's being all emo and neurotic.
I can't wait.

OK.
Time to go sit and watch the STEALERS game.
 
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12:26pm 25/12/2004
 
mood: pissed off
It's raining like a banchee in Orlando.
No snow.
No Christmas trees.
Nothing.
I've been around my family for TEN DAYS!
TEN STINKING DAYS!

I think I'm going to throw myself off the patio....

Merry Fuckin Christmas.
 
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You're such a superhot female...   
08:47pm 16/12/2004
 
mood: quixotic
I just finished my LAST FINAL!
It wasn't near as bad as I was anticipating.

Now I'm packing up my flip flops and skirts.
Life isn't so bad when you're heading some place warm.
I got This Side of Paradise by Fitzgerald to read on the beach and Portrait of a Lady by James Henry for the plane.

I have to drive home tomorrow morning at 6:30 in the morning.
That sucks so bad.
Hopefully I don't nod off and die.
(god forbid)

Now I'm going to watch LOTRIII upstairs and hang out with everyone.
One more night of dorm madness and then ... vacation

I'm very grateful for my 10 days of relaxation.
This trip to Florida is going to be good.
I need it. I need to have 10 days for me.
I can feel it.
 
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I'm so broken up.....   
03:53am 16/12/2004
 
mood: hopeful
I've been keeping the oddest hours this week.
It's almost 4AM and I'm still running around like a banchee.

Tonight we all did our Christmas.
Gosh.
I got so many gifts.
My friends spoil me so much.
I'm so grateful it's unreal.

Tonight was good.
Everyone was so happy.
It was magic.

Now I'm going to read some Anthro and watch Dawn of the Dead.

Then maybe go to sleep.
Maybe.
We'll see what comes along...
 
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12:35pm 14/12/2004
 
mood: apathetic
I was up until 4:30 dealing poker.
Rollins came pounding on my door at 2:45 and asked if I'd deal their game.
It was almost 3AM.
I was up staring at the Xmas tree.
I was in a crazy state of mind.
So I thought it was a good idea.
ugh.
It was amusing though.
Better than laying in bed alone.
Rollins gave me an I LOVE TKE pin as payment.
Fuckin' frat guys...
and I got to see all the drama and heard about all the new "goodies" coming into town in the next couple of days...hm....................................
no! bad! dang it!


My walk was cold last night.
Really cold.
And it felt good.

Now I'm burnt or dead.

I just finished a final.
Ugh.

I've been wearing the same clothes for three days and B told me I'm starting to smell. But B hasn't showered in three days so I told him he's starting to mold.
Then we giggled and teased his hair and did Ace Ventura lines for a good 30 minutes...
Ace Ventura...so good...

and now I'm going to nap and work on my 20 page paper that's due tomorrow.
I'm a mess.
 
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...Trust me...I'm certified to feed people....   
01:06am 14/12/2004
 
mood: disappointed
Poker is hard tonight.
Everyone is drinking and being loud and I'm not in the mood.
I can't focus on the cards.
I can't drink, because my stomach hurts.

Today has been hard.
I've been studying all day long, and it's put me in quite a mood.
It's not one of those moods that are abrupt, it's the kind that sneak up on you and then WHAM! you just feel awful.
Everything is moving fast, and I'm really...down.
I think it's all the stress of this exam tomorrow, and the fact that I had "falling out" with someone here, and I just feel confused and bad about everything.

Life really wasn't a big deal until about...oh two hours ago.
Then WHAM! fight night.
yes.
I don't know... everything seems to be falling apart everytime I move or blink or breathe.
...Life is wonderful...

I have to change the light bulb in my desk lamp, because it's dead.
Fuckin figures.

OK.
I'm going to get moving.
It's now SIX degrees outside, and I'm going to take a walk.
I know it's freezing and it's late and I'll be wandering around alone, but oh well.
I need to walk.
It will feel good to feel cold.

P.S.

Thanks for the wonderful Christmas gift, Joe.
Thanks for thinking of me.
It made my day to get some mail.
It really did.
 
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...so everytime you see me...   
07:59pm 13/12/2004
 
mood: anxious
...that's the worst day of my life...


Finals.
Sucking.
So much work.
So much time.
So much stress.

I feel like going to bed.
It's only 7 degrees out.
SEVEN.
SEVEN.

Aye.

It's 8:00.
I am going to eat pizza tonight.
and play poker - really late tonight.
and try to have some fun.
I've been going all day long and I'm about to drop.
I know I should go to bed, but I don't feel like it.
I'm feeling all anxious and neurotic and shaky...
I need to eat.
I feel like laughing and having fun.
I haven't laughed all day.
Except when I saw a big red sweatshirt with a big, green pickle on it...
That was pretty funny...

...That's about it.
FOUR DAYS until I'm on the beach, readin' my book, drinkin' a drink, sunburning...
Ah...


Now...
Back to studying and trying to be warm.
It's freezing in these dorms.
 
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...it's you I crave...   
07:22pm 12/12/2004
 
mood: anxious
I'm back in Verm.
This weekend was strange.

It was lonely.
I didn't do anything.
I got about 10 calls to do something, but I didn't feel like it.
I stayed in and read.
I read WALDON. God.
Can you believe that?
Fuckin Waldon.
and I watched movies with my dad.
and helped my mom bake cookies.
and just kind of was there.

I did go to Greg and Lisa's graduation party.
It was fun.
All of her family was there and my family was there and everyone was having a really good time.
It was nice.
Warm.
enjoyable.

I finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Good book.
Gosh.
Stellar book.

Now I'm going to read anthropology.
Then work on the rest of my week of finals.
Hopefully everything goes well.
I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't.
...story of my life...

Then I'm going to watch DAWN OF THE DEAD.
I hear it's killer.
Woot.woot.woot.
 
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"We accept the love we think we deserve..."   
12:13pm 10/12/2004
 
mood: depressed
Today is shit.
I'm going home in two hours.
Everything sucks today.

It's cold.
Like... 21 degrees cold.
That sucks so bad.

I'm reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Gosh.
Good book.

I was up really late last night.
Just hanging out.
Staring at the XMas tree.
Alone.
It was too cool.

Ok.
I have to pack and read and shower.
This is awful.
 
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I'm waiting here...crash into me REAL hard...   
09:12pm 09/12/2004
 
mood: contemplative
Today was a mess.
My 12:30 editing session was worse than a bad case of crabs.
Pete couldn't pull it together.


A little bit about Pete:

-Political Science Major
-Big fan of outdoor recreational sports
-Knows something about everything
-Believes Frank Zappa is a god
-Hates wearing shoes
-Loves reading about all the cases of genocide worldwide and how to grow herb gardens
-Nicest frat guy you'll ever meet
-AND SMOKES WAY TOO MUCH WEED

Pete wasn't pulling his weight today.
Pete was baked.
Pete was useless.
Pete got a facefull.
I felt awful.
He felt awful.
It was awful.
I still feel awful.
I'm going to have to hunt him down and apologize.

...

So I have to write an essay for this internship application on a book one should read before they graduate college.
I've read...too many book, and I need some help narrowing down.
If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be very grateful.

The new Gwen Stefani CD makes me want to dance.
It's awesome.
Despite what people say, it grows on you.
It makes you want to shake what your mama gave you.

I have some more work to do, then I'm going to the midnight movie.
I don't feel like staying in tonight.
No fun.


And now a little GWEN....

...I've kissed your lips a million ways...but I'd still like you around...cause you're the one I want... and it's not just a phase...don't go away my love...I want you to stay...in my life... I'm happiest when we spend time...and heaven knows where we'll go next...a rollercoaster about to crash...don't go away...I need you...you're my love supply...
 
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01:27am 09/12/2004
 
mood: impressed
So I had a monster work load tonight, and I quit early to play poker.
We had a new-comer to the table tonight.
Ian.
Good guy.
Funny.
It was nice to have a newbie.
It made things less...more...you know...cool.
Jeff punched the wall and broke his knuckle - it's all big and bloody and sore looking.
Boys are so dumb when they get angry.

I have exciting news.
I just found out tonight that
Me, Danielle, B, and Koffman have JERRY SPRINGER tickets for the end of February.
That's right...I'M GETTIN MY SPRINGER BEADS!!!!

I'm stoked.
I'm still down in the dumps, but I'm stoked.

We have them reserved.
That means road trip to the WINDY CITY in FEBRUARY!!!
CHICAGOOOO!!!! WOOOOOOO!

I can't even handle myself.
Now I'm going to study and then sleep.
Hopefully.
It's loud around these parts tonight and I'm kind of hyper now.
Dang soda.
 
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There are roses growing in the snow....   
10:12pm 07/12/2004
 
mood: crushed
I'm gloomy and doomy today.
I don't feel well.
I'm all emo and can't pull it together.
I keep crying.
It's awful.

I watched the season finale of Laguna Beach and was a mess.
I'm sad.
My heart hurts (along with most of my body).
I can't even appreciate my chapter on paraphelia.
I don't want to learn about S&M sex.

I want a hug.
And a Kiss.
And a Snuggle.
And someone to love me.
And an orange popcicle.

I'm having a rough time.
I'm not even going to try and rationalize anything, because for once I'm going to have a pitty party.
I deserve one.
I'm always composed.
I always pick myself up.
And tonight, I don't feel like I can do that.

So I'm going to go crawl into a ball on my soft bed and stare at the Christmas tree until my eyes bleed or I fall asleep.
 
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This is the new shit...   
02:58pm 07/12/2004
 
mood: melancholy
It's a sad day.
The sky is the color of the bruise on my head.
Which hurts really bad today.
My right eye keeps throbbing off and on.
It makes me feel pretty tough.
I guess.

I have a lot of things to do tonight.
But the Real World is on, so at 9:00 all studying will cease.

I was up until 4:30 last night...um...this morning.
Poker.
I had a hell of a time pulling it together this morning.
But I did it.
Yay.
I have a meeting in an hour.
Ewe.

I thought I felt like writing.
I guess not.
I'm going to go read about paraphelia and listen to Wilco.
 
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02:50am 07/12/2004
 
mood: confused
wow.
i just deleted my two most recent entries.
i'm a mess.
this FRIENDS ONLY thing is throwing me WAY off.
fuck it.

i'm going back up to play more poker.
i wish i had common sense.
seriously.
it's be so nice.
life would be so much easier.
 
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02:53pm 04/12/2004
 
mood: busy
It's almost three.
This is about the time I got home last night.
OF COURSE I DIDN'T GET TO GO TO BED!

I just had an english muffin with peanut butter.
It was awesome.

The cake is baked.
I don't know what it's going to taste like...
:/
The balloons are everywhere.
Now I'm making some CDs for music tonight.

Wow.

I'm so tired.
I still haven't showered.

Now I have to get started on the Jell-O shots.
Aye.

I'm a banchee.

This better be worth it....
 
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